Overcoming grief and mourning...

Im in the stage that my mind has been occupied by memories of my father (who expired last May 24, 2014).  I haven't been myself lately.


I'm irritable, I snap at people, I don't talk longer to Mala, my boyfriend's mom (I used to stay awake an hour extra just to talk to her about random stuff! Now, it just decreased to a 10 minute chit chat and I go to sleep), I lost interest in waking up early, I become needy with my old friends more than how I used to, but I lose the want of hanging out with new people. I find less importance in responding to messages from my old friends.

I don't like the changes happening to me. I try to be as normal as how I was but then I tend to no longer care about what people think.

Sometimes, I get busy with random things and then all of a sudden I stop... remember how my dad suffered and those good times we've been through and the fact that I can no longer have those moments happening again, ever... then weep... Crazy.

I want to be in control of my emotions, I want to get back to my normal, quirky, happy, passionate me.

I don't want people around me to think that I'm too moody to be around. People... specially the ones important to me are already getting affected and I don't like that.
I just realized that coping with mourning and grief is worse than getting over a really bad breakup.

 Really.

I was once told by my boyfriend that I'll be okay in time and I shouldn't rush things. It's not really that I'm rushing, it's just that not all people easily understand how I am.

People react to stimuli.

Now, I'm making my own solution.

I'll blog away my feelings and get busy with random stuff as usual and try to focus more on the same old simple pleasures in life like how I used to.

I must move on...

I have to be stronger than how I was! For my family... For my friends... For the future problems that I'll be facing.

I might consider following this thing people called "100 days of happiness."... It's when they capture pictures of happy moments until it reached a hundred. Well.... My version of happiness is just simple. I get happy over eating ice cream, waking up to a cold morning then press the snooze button multiple times, the joy of petting a cat, the feeling of lying down upon fresh and clean bedsheets....

 simple things like that.... Who could ever relate to that? It's not that big... just simple...


Well, Im doing it anyway!

Fingers crossed!