I was miles away from him, I'm at Cebu and he's at Cagayan de Oro when my mom called my phone until the battery ran out because phones aren't allowed in our company premises, thus left in our lockers. But I knew something was wrong. The last message I read was that Daddy's heart hasn't been responding in the E.R. for 30 minutes... And then my phone went out.
In my mind I was thinking he will survive but then my positive thinking was killed by the fact that he hasn't responded for 30 minutes already.... Thirty Minutes!
Most of the time, patients who hasn't any cardiac activity for 5 minutes expires. Having a background in the medical field, I knew better.
I went to my supervisor but made sure all my team mates aren't around because I don't want them to see what I am under influence of extreme emotion. I was dying inside. My optimism and fear of his loss fighting... Already arguing.
My initial plan was just to tell my supervisor that I have to come home in a calmest way possible. But then upon reaching her desk, I cried unable to express myself properly. I couldn't find the right words to describe how I felt nor how I'd deal with the situation. I was hesitant to tell her that my Dad left me because there's this little hope in my mind that kept telling me that he could be revived. After all my mom said he's still being revived at the hospital...
I fixed myself and hurried home to recharge my phone and call my family to check on him and make sure he's okay. On my way during my commute I kept telling myself that he'll be okay. But then something in me tells me he won't make it and at least his suffering will be over that he'll be at peace. All these emotion and logic and denial mixed. People stop and stare at me... At 9am on a rush hour, I weep. I tried stopping myself from showing much emotion but it's useless.
That commute started to feel a lot like a slow, painful torture.
Finally, after 90 minutes of commute I reached the house and my boyfriend's mom told me the news just before I reached our bedroom to recharge my phone. She said, my sister called my boyfriend at nearly 6AM and told him that my Dad has expired. That I have to go home to my family the soonest time possible.
I was in denial still and insisted that I have to hear it from my Mom directly.
Reaching my Mom who was at that time beating around the bush, explaining first what happened, how it happened and the whole nine yards, I had to yell at her "ANO NA NANGYARI KAY DADDY?!?!?!" (What happened to Daddy?) "Okay na ba siya?" (Is he okay?).
Then there's this long silence and she told me "Wala na sya" (He's gone)
I never really cared what my neighbors would think. I cried the loudest cry ever. I threw things everywhere.
It was the most painful day ever.
I was lost.
It hurts to know that the man who gave me so much affection would leave me. He who gave me life, he who used to call me his LUCKY CHARM, ANGEL and PRINCESS. The man who taught me so much, even life hacks and the man who protected me from harm all my life. The man who could sacrifice so much, even kill for me (If he have to) just to make things better for me. The man who watched me from a distance as another form of guiding me. The man who held my hands when I was little and taught me how to fight before I could walk. The man who'd always allow me to climb trees, swim the deeper part of the river/beach, climb hills and drive a bike/motorcycle even though my mom dissaproved out of fear that I might get hurt.
There's so many things I haven't mentioned that my Dad has done for me.
There's so many things I would be missing.
He still haven't seen me in my wedding day nor seen his grandchildren all because he ran out of time.
All those years he has been longing for that day to come. But I failed to show that to him.
He still haven't seen me progress at work.
If only I had more time to prove him my worth.
If only I had more time to show him the world.
If only there's another chance that I could talk to him again.
For now I still mourn. Life hasn't been normal yet since he went away.
I had so many plans for him and my family.
If only I could turn back the time.
I miss you so much, Daddy!
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